Has that time actually arrived? Are we really having a baby? Even with being nearly 9 1/2 months pregnant I still can’t wrap my head around it. I have dreamt of this my whole life and now it’s finally here. The feeling is magical, indescribable and so surreal.
There are a myriad of things I do to try to ground myself in the realization that, any day now, I will be holding my first child. I often find myself standing in front of her closet, looking at all her little clothes, trying to imagine her in them. I turn her little swing on and try all the different speeds and sounds, wondering which she will like best. I have even shamelessly used one of her toys to practice putting her in it. Chris and I have taken turns pushing her stroller around the house. I caught myself placing her diaper bag next to me while I work, or switching out the items I already put in there. I rationalize it all, thinking I am just making sure I like the bag and that it’s not too heavy with her clothes and toys in there, but in my heart I know it’s not the real reason I do all this funny stuff. The reality is, her ”things” are all I have tangible of her at the moment, so I guess if I am being completely honest, my “playing house” just might be a desperate attempt to get close to her, to make her get here faster…as if it were even possible…Oh, I hope I am not the only mommy this crazy.
The truth is, I am dying to see her face, to smell her skin, to hold her little fingers between mine, to see her with her daddy, to squeeze her little toes, to feel her little diaper covered bum in the palm of my hand, to listen to the sound of her breath as she sleeps–the list goes on.
Chris and I have layed in bed several mornings, chatting about what her personality is going to be like, what she will look like and how incredible it is going to be to hold her in our arms for the first time. The thought nearly brings us both to tears. As anxious as I am to meet her, I am trying to relish this time with her in my tummy. I know I need to resist the temptation to jump ahead and ground myself in the present, because these moments won’t last forever. In a blink she will be all grown up and having little miracles of her own. But for now, my little Angel is safe, cozy and preparing herself for life a little more each day. I am truly grateful for this gift, for my time with her, helping her grow, feeling her kick and toss and turn. This has been the most incredible experience of my life and I know it’s just the beginning.
So for now, I will continue to get lot’s of belly rubs in, stay in the moment and truly enjoy these last few days or weeks just her and I. And on the special day she decides to greet the world, her Daddy and I will be here, waiting to love her like CRAZY and guide her through this magical journey called Life.
I will remember each year through,
this very special time of life,
the months I carried you.
-unknown
So grateful to have such a talented and loving husband. Thank you for documenting this time with your beautiful images honey, I will cherish them and you forever. xoxo
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